Back and Home Again

I was away for a few days, as you might have probably noticed from the lack of new posts since last Thursday. I'd been sick though, on the third day, and had stayed for an extra day to recover (I'm still not cleared and am typing with dizziness).

But it was also during this downtime, without anymore audiobooks or podcast to listen to because I'd exhausted all of them on the road (which include the last few stories of Mirrorshades, dozen of Selected Shorts and some Nerdist and This American Life and Stuff You Should Know. I know I know, I've pretty eclectic taste), that I pondered the question about the stories that I'm working on (first drafts are above 10,000 words and 4,000 words)

I treasured these moments, of having nothing with me but myself. Where I could just drift off into my imaginations without focusing in anything in particular (daydreaming's the technical term). And I did too often went from one ideas into another totally different realm of space and time and place. I could not control myself, and the temptation of jumping around, fondling with ideas had me tipped over the original intention. It wasn't for nothing though, for I had found something, or I believe I had found something to contribute to my stories, to shape them into a constructed, fully realized body of works, while the draft remains a mental creation of my mind's free flow imagination and vivid visualization.

What can I say, I learned a lot from Selected Shorts, and I do find some of my weakness, or shady sides of my writing. I tend to write too long, longer than the writing should have. I don't blame them on my lack of vocabulary, but the fact that I don't have my own voice yet, a voice that I used to talk, to communicate. A crystal clear, defined vocal of my own is what I'm craving for. But I'm not good at conveying my ideas in speaking, I found myself more organized at words but still, the words of mine lack a certain kind of clarity, or depth.

I'm in touching with English merely on the literal term, on books and TV and Movie, but not as much as direct conversing with another flesh. I'm afraid, you know, afraid to say something wrong, of being stupid and stutter between words. It's a mental barrier to overcome, and it's one of those things that are easier said than done.

Well, it's been long, and I'm tired and dizzy, and that's my excuse. What's yours.